Your Horoscope


AQUARIUS You have an inventive mind and are a progressive thinker. You also lie a lot and are inclined to be careless and impractical, making the same mistakes over and over. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. You will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights...

PISCES You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA. You have some influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. Underneath it all you lack confidence and are generally a coward. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick...

ARIES You are the pioneer type and have strong leadership tendencies, but you regard others with contempt. Basically, you don't give a fuck about anyone. You are quick tempered, impatient and don't take well to advice. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding...

TAURUS You are down to earth and persistent. Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You are determined and can work like hell. Most people think that you are a pig headed shit. You're probably a fucking communist. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss...

GEMINI You are quick and intelligent - a thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are also a cheap bastard, expecting everything for nothing. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill himself to win a bet...

CANCER You are extremely sensitive by nature and very caring. You are a wimp. You are hopeless at making decisions and that is why you will always be on welfare and you will never be worth a shit. You are likely to be murdered...

LEO Leo people are born leaders but most people think they are just pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. They are thick assholes who break down under honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo People are thieving bastards who kiss mirrors a lot. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare...

VIRGO You are the logical type and detest disorder. This shitpicking makes your friends sick. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores...

LIBRA Librans are lucky in employment and financial matters. You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. All Librans die of V. D. Nobody will go to your funeral. Off course you will never know...

SCORPIO You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will reach the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect Son of a Bitch. You end up puzzled as well to the extent that you screw small animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot on your clothes...

SAGITTARIUS You are optimistic and enthusiastic with a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. Most Saggitarians are drunks or pot heads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always fucking things up. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys...

CAPRICORN you are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basic chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance, your best friend is probably an altar boy...you should kill yourself...